Strange Positive Affirmations

In honor of the ending of May, Mental Health Awareness Month, here are some not-so-ordinary positive affirmations. In case you’re unaware, positive affirmations are a kind of cognitive therapy, where you repeat statements (think “I am” statements like “I am worthy”) and try to rewire your brain to think positively. The idea is that if you affirm a statement enough, it becomes a belief. 

I’m a huge fan of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (which is much more than positive affirmations, of course), but it requires a lot of conscious effort, which can be forgotten when looking up “positive affirmations” on Google and getting a thousand results of generic lists. 

So, instead of “I am” statements, this blogger is going to violently compliment you in a rather strange way, because you deserve it. 

1. You are the only person who doesn’t look absolutely ridiculous in a banana suit. 
2. Ghosts are attracted to you because your presence is impeccable. 
3. Flies are super lucky to have you in their life. 
4. Your daydreams are complex and totally original. They deserve recognition, so here I am to give it to you. 
5. You definitely don’t sleep with your mouth open nor do you snore. You’re a gorgeous sleeper. 
6. You’re an incredible cloud-shape-identifier. 
7. You’re the only person I’ve ever seen who doesn’t look funny when doing balance exercises. 
8. You would be the most beautiful human scarecrow. Crows would love to be scared by you. 
9. You give off even better vibes than a prancing llama. 
10. It’s okay if you can’t tell the difference between the exteriors of a honeydew and a cantaloupe. 
11. It doesn’t matter that you can’t do advanced calculus. No one can. Those who claim to are lying. It’s not real. 
12. You still look surprisingly beautiful when you touch your nose with your tongue. 
13. The blades of grass under your feet bend only because they’re flattered and blushing. 
14. Your belches are musical genius. 

You’re welcome! But seriously, take care and be well, you gorgeous human!