Words I’m Nitpicky About

I recently published a blog about individual words that I believe society has given disproportionate power. Getting riled about a single word is a bit ridiculous, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be intentional about the words we say. And while this blog is titled “Words I’m Nitpicky About,” I’m more revolting against the definition of these words when used in certain situations. I have no problem with the words themselves or their usage. 

Growth vs. Change

When I left my hometown to go to boarding school for high school, I cited changing who I was as a main reason. I didn’t like my social awkwardness, my low self-esteem, my lack of confidence, etc., and I thought that a new environment would magically transform me into someone I could admire. At the time, I had no idea I should be aiming for growth instead. 

It took me a few years to figure that out, but by senior year, I knew not to confuse growth with fundamentally changing who I was. Now I’m very particular about using the words growth instead of change when referring to people. 

People don’t ever change. They grow, they stagnate, or they decline. That’s become a phrase I live by. Always aim for growth.

Love vs. Connection

The word “love” is quite overused in the English language today. I am very much guilty of it. I “love” chocolate, I “love” notebooks, I “love” the way some people construct their sentences. I say “I love you” to family, friends, and sometimes even near strangers alike, which can be a beautiful thing, since we are supposed to love everybody in humanity. But consequentially, its meaning has also been diminished from a deep affection to simply affection. I’m honestly not particularly mad at it; in fact, I feel perfectly neutral.

But when I hear the common question, “Do you believe in love,” I’m never quite sure how to answer. It’s not a simple yes or no. It depends on the type of love. My mind directly goes to the romantic, fairytale version of love, the love of soulmates and film and Instagram “for you” pages. The finding of our One True Love. The answer to that is a hard no. 

What about the more realistic type of love: the type of love that takes work in order to make a long, lasting marriage. Again, more realistic, but the divorce rate defies that logic. Loving always lasts longer than being “in love,” and sometimes you can only love someone from a distance. Love isn’t something to be relied upon to bring people together. 

I feel like everyone knows the horrors of the romantic world—the heartbreaks, the red flags, the manipulation, even the idealism—but I think they still ask the question, “Do you believe in love” out of a hope that love is this ethereal concept that happens to you, something you fall into rather than something you work on. A noun that happens to you rather than a verb that you give out. 

The hope that there is an easy, selfish, rather lazy Love, an abstract concept that places itself between two people. When speaking of this abstract concept that draws you towards one person over the other, I prefer the term “connection.” So when people say “Do you believe in love,” I reply, “No, I believe in connection.”

Because I’m nitpicky like that.