Catullus: An Ancient Poet You Need to Read *with caution*

What comes to mind when you think of ancient literature? Stuffy poets? Propagandic epics? Characterless nationalism? I personally think of works like The Aeneid, The Iliad, and The Odyssey. If any of you read my review on The Aeneid, you know that this genre is, well, not my favorite. 

And if you are anything like me a month ago, you might think that this is all there is to ancient literature. But the past mes and (perhaps) current yous haven’t read Catullus. Catullus was a neoteric poet born around 84 B.C. Neoteric means that he avoided the epic which pushed a public agenda, and instead focused his works on the personal and everyday. 

Simply by rejecting the nationalistic and disingenuous epic, Catullus was already doing well in my estimation. And then I read his poems. 

I need to forewarn you that some call Catullus “Rome’s Most Erotic Poet.” And a lot of his poems are indeed crude. I’m not going to post it here, but Poem 16: “A Rebuke: To Aurelius And Furius” was considered so crude that it wasn’t translated into English until the 20th century. And some of his other poems are simply alarming, like his threatening to sexually assault rivals and annoying uncles (I’m hoping this was considered to be a well-meaning jest back in the day, but in any case, I’m so glad that isn’t a thing anymore), his questionable and contradictory views on incest, and his obvious misogyny, the latter of which I’ll discuss at the end.

But I wanted to start off with the poems that shocked me in a good way and made me laugh. I am using the translation by A.S. Kline; you can get it here for free. However, if you truly want to delve deep into Catullus, I’ve read that Peter Green’s translation is more faithful to rhythm. 

Also note, the majority of what I’ve included from Catullus are excerpts from longer poems. Only #72, #92, and #54 are the complete versions.

23. POVERTY: TO FURIUS

Why wouldn’t you be well and happy?

You’ve no sweat, no phlegm,

or mucus, or evil cold in the head.

To this cleanliness add more cleanliness,

your arse is purer than a little salt-cellar,

and doesn’t crap ten times in a year:

and your shit’s harder than beans or pebbles.

So if you rub it and crush it between your fingers,

you can’t stain a single finger

What’s more poetic than crap? This poem makes me wonder if ancient Romans had a habit of rubbing their waste between their fingers and seeing if it would stain. I’ll admit I’m not well-versed (hehe no pun intended) in ancient Roman pooping habits, but you’ll have to give it to Catullus: he’s mastered imagery.

39. YOUR TEETH!: TO EGNATIUS

I’d still not want you to smile all the time:

there’s nothing more foolish than foolishly smiling.

Now you’re Spanish: in the country of Spain

what each man pisses, he’s used to brushing

his teeth and red gums with, every morning,

so the fact that your teeth are so polished

just shows you’re the more full of piss.

This one also has to do with bodily waste, but I promise that isn’t the case with all of them. This one is also a bit discriminatory, which comes with the territory with Rome. Ancient Romans thought everyone who didn’t speak their language were barbarians, and everyone who wasn’t Roman inferior.

But the next time you see a celebrity with perfect white teeth and seethe with jealousy, you can make yourself feel better by thinking of them brushing their teeth with piss.

72. FAMILIARITY: TO LESBIA

Once you said you preferred Catullus alone,

Lesbia: would not have Jupiter before me.

I prized you then not like an ordinary lover,

but as a father prizes his children, his family.

Now I know you: so, though I burn more fiercely,

yet you’re worth much less to me, and slighter.

How is that, you ask? The pain of such love

makes a lover love more, but like less.

I particularly enjoy the last two lines of this poem. I have often thought about the differences between liking and loving, and how one can exist without the other. I think that concept within itself is poetic.

92. SIGN OF LOVE: TO LESBIA

Lesbia always speaks ill of me, never shuts up

about me: damn me if she doesn’t love me.

What’s the sign? Because it’s the same with me: I’m

continually complaining, but damn me if I don’t love her.

The wording and the translation are on point. 

54. OH CAESAR!: OF OTHO’S HEAD

Otho’s head is quite tiny,

and it’s owner’s legs loutishly unclean,

soft and delicate is Libo’s farting:

if not with all that, then let me displease you

with Sufficio, old age renewed…

again let my worthless iambics

rile you, our one and only general.

Otho, Libo, and Sufficio are all unidentified associates of Julius Caesar, so basically Catullus is trying to rile Caesar up. Which strikes me as quite saucy. And I love it. Catullus seems to be amused by Caesar’s indignation at Catullus’ “worthless iambics,” and is enjoying mocking him. Did Catullus feel secure in his own imperviousness, did Catullus know that poets were not worth more than Caesar’s indignation, or did Catullus just have a death wish?

…Now let’s delve into the controversial and disturbing. 

62. WEDDING SONG

And don’t you struggle with such a husband, girl.

it’s not right to struggle, you, whose father gives you away,

your father and your mother, who prepare you.

Your virginity’s not wholly yours: part is your parents:

a third your father’s, a third your mother’s,

only a third is yours: don’t fight those two,

who grant their rights to the son-in-law with the dowry.

Catullus definitely saw sexual relations as a marital debt, which can be seen in literature explicitly up to the 15th century, and even perhaps after that. The idea that a woman only has a portion of the rights to her own body is disgusting. To tell a woman not to fight when her assigned husband essentially tries to rape them is abominable. 

68B. COMMEMORATION: TO ALLIUS

the adulteress he’d abducted

This line alludes to Helen, who gets an extremely bad rap in ancient literature (written by men). They refer to her as the curse of Troy, an evil seductress, to blame for everything bad that happened in the Trojan War. The thing is, she wouldn’t be an “adulteress” if Paris hadn’t abducted her. She wasn’t to blame for anything; she was the victim of a god’s whims and a man’s lust. 

78. THE PANDAR: TO GALLUS

Gallus is a stupid man, not seeing himself as a husband,

who instructs a nephew in an uncle’s wife’s adultery.

This one is disgustingly amusing, because Catullus literally had to go out of his way to villainize the woman by including the rather complicated line of “uncle’s wife’s adultery.” The male isn’t adulterous… but he is involved with an adulterous wife. We all know that adultery and other such sins can only be committed by women, right? For if men are defeated by lust, the seductress is to blame, of course. 

Everything you read from ancient literature, you have to read with a grain of salt. But it is helpful to perhaps see where some ideology originated and how it might linger. And if you are curious to read a bawdy ancient artist (sooo much more crude than anything I wrote here) or one that isn’t afraid to mock Caesar, feel free to take a deeper dive into Catullus’ poetry.